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Haunted Objects

Seeking to extract spirits from haunted objects is a lost science, but was once a passion among many occult scientists of bygone eras. To coax an unwilling ghost for its host object, many methods were employed. Transference was most often the trick, getting the ghost to move from its object and into another. The ill fated Amazonian Leech, believed to suck etheric essences from objects, is today thought to be extinct due to reckless use. Unfortunately, the popularity of electricity as a medical tool did not develop in time to save the dire leech, but today we are able to drive ghosts from the objects they cling to with shock treatments, just as psychiatrists are able to do with restless minds.

As for the ghosts themselves, after they release their hold on the object they have been haunting, we host them here at the asylum. Spirits who have not moved on have various issues, and therefore their quarters here at the asylum are determined according to their natures and state of mind. Freedom to wander the premises is granted to those who show no signs of wishing to return to their old haunts, be it the object they have left or the home of those who have sent them to us. As we toil with our crafts and artwork, we welcome the company of these ghosts. Art can be quite therapeutic, and the images they present to us are a constant form of inspiration. They illustrate their lives, that which they cannot let go of, be it out of pain or love, and we are patient with them as they prepare for their final destination into the light.

Of course, not all ghosts are so accommodating, nor are we. Extraction of a ghost from the object it is haunting occurs in a salt drawn triangle beyond a Hermetic circle, adjacent to which is a new vessel where the ghost is impelled to enter.

ghost extraction sigil
ghost extraction sigil

Nefarious ghosts are sent into glass bottles, sealed with the wax of white candles and warded with certain sigils. The process of their rehabilitation thereafter is complex, and varies from ghost to ghost.

Unfortunately, once an object has been haunted, even after it has been purged of its ghost(s), the object will always hold a certain auric glow that will be a beacon for other spirits. The object, having served as a ghost's body, develops the desire for being possessed. That is why it is important that each object finds a good home with understanding caretakers, who by cherishing such objects fill them with admiration and love, thus satiating to a fair degree the object's restless need.

We ask that you supply details about your haunted object. Such particulars should include:

-associated phenomena; (e.g. it causes red hair to become sticky; or, it inverts corneas when spied in a mirror).

-historical data; (e.g. has anyone ever fought a duel over it; or, was it discovered in the belly of a sewer alligator).

As an instance of inadequate information let us examine item #J16, known more commonly here at Carnivalia’s Asylum as ‘the Bong of Mystery.’

In this instance, the note attached to the bong merely stated: ‘Made us see things we did not want to.’

Such vagueness leaves us to wonder what such ‘things’ could have been. Did they psychically see a government plot to bring about Armageddon, or intuit the hackneyed ending of each John Hughs film? It is possible that the bong’s associated Ganga likewise effected those involved (or even just down wind depending on the ventilation). Insights may more likely have occurred from the pot than from any supernatural source. Our extensive research has documented such effects as including:

Haunted Bong

-A relaxed sense of wellbeing and awareness that life will work itself out.

-The realization that you could be more compassionate.

-An overwhelming sense of connectedness to all of mankind and the universe encompassing us.

-Recognition that despite the temporal dictates of fashion no one ever looked good in acid-washed jeans .

Please Note: Carnivalia's Asylum accepts organic materials only after individual review, so please consult with us prior to sending us the unlucky half of your wishbone or formerly conjoined twin. In most instances we will accept dehydrated items such as shrunken heads, whereas items preserved in formaldehyde are iffy.

We do not welcome pets of any variety, including allegedly hellish ones, be they felines possessed by demons, cursed mortals turned to frogs, or budgies loquacious concerning details of marital indiscretions.

Apparitions manifesting on food (such as Matzo-Hitler) are to be photographed and sent to us for review and documentation.

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'The Dressmaker's Dummy'

Many a wayward ghost is in need of your charity.



Here at 'Carnivalia's Home for Haunted Objects and Wayward Ghosts' we do
our best to provide shelter and aid to the ghosts we seek to save, but we need your help.

Opening our home to ghosts comes at a cost, for it encourages portals between here and the hereafter to appear, as they do, suddenly, puckering grimly upon our ceiling in unpredicted spots. From them hail a downpour of blackened lightbulbs that explode in fits of glass and filigree. Apparently the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel occasionally needs its bulbs replaced, and somehow we have become the trash-shoot. The cost of clean-up and disposal add up, and we ask for your help, so that we can continue to do our good work.

Just a one-time donation of $15.00 can make a huge difference in the afterlife of a ghost.

Due to the prejudices of government against ghosts, your donation will not be tax deductible.
However, you will receive in the mail a token of our gratitude, along with a picture and biography of the ghost you are helping.

And while you are in a giving mood, consider this:
Although it is impossible to count how many refugee ghosts abound in the ether, the faces of mortal suffering are all too real. The best way to assure that spirits have a well-adjusted afterlife is to provide for their well being before they die. So we urge you to seek out a charity that works in support of the living. Here are our suggestions.

The American Red Cross
Doctors Without Borders
The Sierra Club

In our search and study of ghosts, we must make certain that issues of human suffering and environmental deterioration are not invisible to us.



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All images © Carnivalia, 2004