'You'll Be Glad You're Soused
When Our Dark Lord Is Roused'
From deep Arkham wells our expert brewers begin with waters as clear as a newborn baby's tears. Although our ancient techniques remain a well guarded secret, they result in a beer bold in flavor and impossible to live without once you've tried it.*
We guarantee that Cthulhu Brew™ will not only stimulate your tastebuds, but also your pineal gland. You will see the end of all creation in the bottom of each bottle, but by then your soul will have drowned and all your cares shall be as ghosts. So while those with emotions toast the meaningless events of their lives or weep over their insignificant losses, you will say:
"Bartender, I'll have another Cthulhu Brew™, please."
*Although recent investigations by the FDA have resulted in this beverage being temporarily taken off the market (unless you have the right connections), we nevertheless have this fetching clock to count the minutes until the Mighty Lord Cthulhu arises to usher in a new eon of unimaginable torment.
